Book Reviews
Hold the front page! This is what the papers say. If you’ve come across anything else, please let us know. Apologies for the lack of radio interview sound bytes – coming soon!
Families Need Fathers
June 2005
“MEN Speak the Unspeakable”: the Reality Book that blows the whistle on why Men Don’t Speak
By Michael Elias and Edward Seeker
Book Review
By Andrew Casey
The stereotypical man is strong and silent. He does not speak of his inner feelings and emotions. He never says anything like “I love you” to anybody, but shows his feelings in actions and behaviour. This man finds communication difficult on anything other than a superficial, social level. Sometimes, negative feelings are kept inside until they have to be expressed after years of resentment and suppressed fury. There are networks of Men’s Groups, where men can speak freely with other men, where they can open up and discuss emotions, feelings and other aspects of themselves that they hide from others. The authors believe that it is unhealthy and negative for men to “bottle up” their feelings inside themselves, because they will have to be released and revealed eventually.
This book is written as a series of meandering conversations between the authors. They discuss everything – growing up, abuse, bullying, how boys become men, the meanings of maleness, sexuality, parenting and fatherhood.
The language is authentically raw, replete with swear words. Some readers may find that this distracts them from the narrative.
The book makes some strong points about changes in parenting styles in the last three generations, intra-family behaviour, and the dysfunctional family as a reflection of dysfunctional society. It is a book to dip into, occasionally, because the chapters are short and pithy. Because of the informal, conversational format, it cannot be read as one would read a more scientific, psychological or sociological academic text. Nevertheless, I thought there were some good points in it. If it helps men to know themselves better, and to come to terms with aspects of their nature that they are reluctant, afraid, or too busy to think about, it will have served its purpose.